Memories of Olde New York: Union Square

Union Square has changed a lot over the years. Until fairly recently there was nothing on the south side of the park, no Whole Foods, no Shoegasm, no Nutz4Nuts cart. Pretty much a wasteland. A Lionel Kiddie City toy store stood on the east side, which later became a Toys ‘R Us, which begat a Babies ‘R Us. It was the Benjamin Button of toy store locations.

Once when it was a Toys ‘R Us, a man was leaving the store as I was headed in. I reached the door first and held it open for him. It’s a move that just makes it easier for whomever’s coming and going.

So I held the door open and out he walked without ever saying “thanks.” That’s really all you have to do when someone holds the door open. As easy as holding the door is, saying “thanks” is somehow easier. So job half done on his part.

That’s when I laid it out - “You’re welcome, Rick Ocasek.” because it was Rick Ocasek, the in demand producer and vocalist for The Cars who left and didn’t say “thank you” as the door was held open for him.

And that’s what New York was like circa 2002.

An interview with noted author Ely Levin

The bio on your publisher’s site calls you “the world’s least prolific writer.”

I didn’t write that, that's probably my editor.

Your most recent work is And so Kansas Gave Way to Colorado, Which Took the Rest of the Day and Half the Night to Get Through

Published earlier this year, in February, right.

The title is just slightly longer than the story

A sentence long, yes. I won't type it here, my publisher would kill me! That’d be giving it away!

The story's technically a sentence fragment. Summarizing it, it’s the story of a man’s cross-country road trip from New York to California following the end of a relationship, a lot like On the Road, but vastly shorter. It's 19 words long.

I never counted, but it was on the long-ish side.

How’d the project come about?

The story had been kicking about in my head for ages, well before I finished my previous piece, Life, the World, and all its Atrocities (In General). I was at a cocktail party one night and someone asked what I was working on. The story wasn't fully formed at this point, just bits and pieces, the narrative wasn’t there. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go with it, but this night, at this cocktail party, it just clicked and - bluh! - out it came.


What’s your process?

Even though the narrative was worked out, I think I wrote seven drafts in the end. Fitzgerald would write the first draft of a short story, put it aside, and come back to it a week or so later just so he’d have a fresh set of eyes. I take the same approach, every few months I’d come back to it, pick it up again, re-work it a bit more.

Today it seems like you can’t just write a book, you have to go out on a publicity tour, do readings, signings. Do you enjoy that?

I do. It's why I got into writing, to tell stories that really engage people. I try to make each event special, usually I read something that’s not been published. Just last week in Portland I read a piece entitled “What I Did on my Summer Vacation,” which I wrote in 1981 in the 5th grade. It moved people, they got pretty quiet. For me it was "a moment."

So far you’ve published 7 works totaling 9 sentences, including the fragment of a sentence for And so Kansas Gave Way to Colorado, Which Took the Rest of the Day and Half the Night to Get Through. What’s your next project?

And so Kansas... wiped me out. For several weeks after I finished it I just felt spent. I thought I'd never pick up a pen or sit down to write again. But after a few months off I called my agent and he's just sold my next project. It’s an anthology, all my works to date. I’m excited, most of the early works are long out of print.


This interview was conducted via email over the course of 23 months, beginning April, 2008. Levin’s And so Kansas Gave Way to Colorado, Which Took the Rest of the Day and Half the Night to Get Through is in bookstores everywhere now.

Bright Lights Underground

It’s so bright here underground in the subway, good thing you’ve got those sunglasses on. Wish I’d thought to wear mine down here, then I wouldn’t be blinded by the fluorescent lights and tunnel darkness. Sharp thinking, I can tell you’ve got your bases covered.

Now that I think of it, they probably help you read your copy of AM New York down here too. Not to mention you look great. You probably spent at least 5 minutes adjusting those Aviators just so –

8 minutes? It shows.

Oh yeah, sorry, I’ll shift over. I’d hate to be what gets between you and your reflection in the subway door. If only the glare from the track lights didn’t get in the way, it totally ruins the effect. But your hair looks great– so shiny! – I think everyone in this car would agree. If they're anything like me, they haven't been able to take their eyes off you either. I bet we’re split evenly as to whether you look better when your head is turned just slightly to the right versus when you turn it to the left. I can poll everyone, no doubt they’ll all have an opinion. I’m on the fence myself. Turn it left again. Right. Left again.

I say right, you look better when you turn your head 3 degrees to the right. It all just works then. I think you should spend the day facing 3 degrees to the right, chin pulled slightly down. Those are your best angles. We all agree.

Can you just imagine how you’d look if you didn’t take the subway every morning? What if you just had those 35 precious minutes in front of the mirror before you left your apartment! You’d be a mess! This train does wonders for you, and I’m so glad we had this time together. If I haven’t said it already, you look great, just great, really great. Those are Ray-Bans, aren’t they? Of course they are, I can see the word “Ray-Ban” in your reflection. I’m such an idiot sometimes.

Answering the Call of Duty

My grandfather fought in WWI and another in WWII. Three cousins served in the Gulf War. I’m glad each of them made it back alive and unscathed, and thankful that they, and others like them, answered the Call of Duty.

I don’t talk about this often, but I’m a veteran. Sort of. I too have answered the Call of Duty, specifically Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and Call of Duty: World at War.

Today, I’d like to reflect and remember some of the guys I proudly served with, men who patrolled beautifully rendered streets in consoles far and wide.

There was Oddbody, toughest guy you’ll ever meet. He’s 8 – 10 tops – and he’s there 2, 3 hours a night, 4 if his mother’s working late. We call him “The Latch Key Commando.”

King Lou, stationed out of Brooklyn. Wife, two kids under 4. After the family’s gone to bed he’ll slug it out in the shit until all hours of the night. If we needed something done, we could always count on King Lou.

Poopypants. A well-deserved name as every time things got frantic, you’d hear him say “I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go!” but still, good guy.

And then to those we lost…

E1987563. Helluva guy. We were both young snipers once. He was like a brother to me, probably because he was actually my brother, and we’d fight alongside one another online. Sadly, he hasn’t signed in in over 75 days….

The call went out again earlier this week, and one by one, we’re leaving our loved ones behind - who can say for how long? - and making our way back to the consoles. I made it out alive the first time, but not unscathed. Meetings are hard, I can’t walk into one without first wanting to throw a stun or frag grenade in there. You just never know what’s waiting for you on the other side of that door.

But here’s what scares me most.

Monday night, dead asleep, and a mosquito flies past my ear. Bzzzzzzzzzz. I leap up screaming “Incoming! Incoming!”

I’ve served, but at what cost?

As we observe Veteran’s Day, I’d like to thank all the men and women who have so bravely served our country. And to those who’ve answered the Call of Duty (Modern Warfare 2), time for a shower.

Today's Staff Pick - The Complete World of Greek Mythology

This is a must read! I learned so much from this book and it really answered a lot of questions for me:

• It's OK to think my mother's hot!
• Staring at myself in the mirror all the time will only make me more handsome!
• A short toga opens all kinds of doors!

You'll love yourself for picking this one up!

- Spencer

Txt 9-1-1- 4 H-E-L-P

Black Hawk County, Iowa became the first county in the nation to receive text messages, in addition to calls, at its 911 center. Apparently this benefits kidnapping victims, the deaf and hard-of-hearing residents of the county, and kids who thought the call center already used this technology and waited pointlessly for help in the past. Sorry teens and tweens.

By all accounts, it’s doing gangbusters. Here’s a recently released transcript of one texter’s exchange:

James Tanglewood > Caught under crop duster, help!
911 > Ouch! Stay calm ;-)
911 > What zip code are you in?
James Tanglewood > Not sure. In a cornfield. Just c corn
911 > More specific?
James Tanglewood > Middle of the corn field
911 > Street address?
James Tanglwood > No, 1 second flying, then plowing, now trapped
James Tanglewood > Smells like a manure lagoon nearby. Helpful?
911 > : (
James Tanglewood > Or a tire fire
911 > Plane on fire?
James Tanglewood > Actually yes
911 > :O
James Tanglewood > Lots of smoke. Maybe helicopters can c it?
911 > Big county, 567.11 square miles
James Tanglewood > Can’t feel leg. Bleeding.
911 > Apply pressure?
James Tanglewood > Crop duster applying plenty
911 > Hang in there, stay with me
911 > James?
911 > James u still with me?
James Tanglewood > Hear noise
James Tanglewood > Gunfire?
James Tanglewood > Corn exploding with flavor! Popcorn field
911 > Call just in about overwhelming smell of popcorn
911 > Coincidence? :)
911 > Help on way K

I Have a Dream, the Camera I Already Had

I’m sure you’re familiar with my work. Maybe you saw me at work in a strip mall in Mobile, Alabama or a strip mall parking lot in Tulsa, or perhaps in a bowling alley in a strip mall in Ft. Lauderdale. Then there’s my ad, which people seem to remember. Or maybe you received a card featuring one of my photos at Christmas - they do make “purrrfect gifts!” Truth in advertising!

For years now, I’ve been taking “Live Tiger Cub Pictures,” and I’ve built up quite a reputation. Why, if you see a picture of any ordinary family that just also happens to feature a pair of live tiger cubs, that moment was absolutely captured by me.

The idea came to me years ago when I worked as a studio photographer. Something was missing from my life, it just didn’t feel complete or full. One night, I had a dream. There was a camera, a photo studio, and a exotic, newborn, antelope-feasting jungle cat that in no way looked out of place in any family portrait! The very next day, I paid $500 for a tiger cub. The camera I already had.

It’s been 4 years since I started the business, and there are dozens of satisfied customers. But how many photos of little Madison with a tiger cub can you have? Even I know that more than one portrait with a tiger on the ‘fridge is gauche.

That’s why I’m proud to introduce Phase II of my enterprise, making extraordinary portraits that much more extraordinary.

Which is more exciting?

Terrence in his cub scout uniform or Terrence in his cub scout uniform with his friend Lance the Aye-Aye, a nocturnal primate from the mysterious island nation of Madagascar?

Regan in her communion dress or Regan in that same communion dress swaddling a baby mountain gorilla?

The Harrington family in matching red sweaters or a color-coordinated Harrington family encircling an orphaned African elephant?

People will be flinging feces at one another to get a look at these! I mean, anytime you’re cozying up to a tapir, it’s something of a celebration.

Pictures like these still make “purrrfect gifts,” but they’ve got added staying power, sure to occupy prime fridge real estate through 2010. And once you’ve been photographed with a tiger, and again with a tapir, everyone will wonder what you’ll be captured with next.

Call to make your appointment today…